By telephone, and later by e-mail, I began working with Flavia Jaber a native of Italy who co-owns Total Travel Service with her husband, Johnny Jaber. Flavia said our family had discovered independent tours the way most of her clients do: on the Internet.

"In the last 10 years, the Internet has helped people become more sophisticated and knowledgeable about what they want to do," Flavia said. "They think they are going to book a bus tour; but then they find our Web site, start looking at the custom tour option, and all of a sudden, that's what they want."

Just like us.

Most clients fall into one of two categories: People who have already visited Italy on a bus tour and want more flexibility for their second visit; and people who "don't want to be led from place to place," Flavia said.

"The private, independent route is more expensive than a bus tour, especially if it's split between just two people as opposed to a group of five or six; however, you do get what you want."

In the last 20 years, Flavia has arranged custom tours for "lots and lots of honeymooners," anniversary couples, special interest groups, small groups of family and friends, and corporate groups.

"The big, big thing during the last couple of years has been cooking and wine," she said. "We've done many programs, mostly in Tuscany, in which people combine classic sightseeing with a cooking lesson, a wine tasting, an olive-oil tasting or bread-baking. ... For people interested in pottery school or glass-blowing school, we can arrange a daylong class or a week- or month-long class. There are all kinds of programs out there."

After questioning me about our family's goals, Flavia suggested a classic tour of must-see sights, spending two nights each in Rome, Siena, Florence and Venice. In each of the four main cities, we would start with a private, four-hour guided tour; the rest of the time we could spend as we wished. We would also spend a day touring the medieval Tuscan villages of Orvieto, Monteriggioni and San Gimignano.

Unlike some clients who prefer to drive themselves, I told Flavia we'd be happy to never have to touch a steering wheel, so she scheduled drivers to pick us up in the Rome airport and take us to and from our hotels in each city, except Venice.

"It is easier to reach Venice by train," she said, and booked our tickets along with drivers to take us to the train station.

Flavia also helped us find the cheapest round-trip airfare from Kansas City, arriving in Rome and leaving from Venice, at $981 a person.

Memories with Mom

About a month before the trip, Flavia mailed Mom a booklet with our itinerary, including hotels, emergency phone numbers, tips and brief historical descriptions of sights we would be visiting.

Mom called Flavia to question her choice of three- and four-star hotels. "We don't need anything extravagant," she said.

But in Europe, Flavia explained, higher ratings mean a hotel offers amenities such as air conditioning, considered standard in America but not overseas.

"You'll be happier with the higher-rated hotels," Flavia said. (As it turned out, we were grateful beyond measure for her advice, because Italy endured a record-breaking heat wave during our visit.)

In the next few weeks, Flavia e-mailed answers to all our questions: What to pack (comfortable sandals; six skirts and/or capris; several nice T-shirts; a sweater; umbrella for sun or rain; and earplugs for the overnight plane ride); how many euros to bring with us ($200 worth); and how much to tip our drivers and guides.

A few days before the trip, we scrambled to run last-minute errands and make arrangements for our husbands and children.

We were all a bit rattled the day before the trip. Instead of telling my daughter to "Listen," I blurted out, "Eleven!" Julie paid for her chicken fajita in the drive-through lane of Taco Bell, then roared off without her food. Janelle told friends we would be catching our plane at the post office. When asked what time it was, Mom announced: "Ten dollars and 30 cents!"

Finally aboard our flight, I was ready to relax. However, across the aisle, Mom, Janelle and Julie suddenly realized we had made no plans for our "free" times!

"What if we get all the way to Italy and miss seeing some of the most crucial sights?" they agonized.

Janelle, however, was in full-fledged, decisive eldest child gear; she and Mom spent hours that night scouring the guidebooks.

The next morning, we exchanged bright, nervous smiles as we gripped our carry-on bags and inched our way down the plane aisle toward our first step onto Italian soil.

"What if Flavia's driver doesn't show up?" I worried silently. "How will we get to our hotel? What if we paid all that money for nothing and end up stranded in Rome?"

Yet I knew the hard work, the intense preparations of the last three months were over. The fun was about to begin.

"Besides," I lectured myself, "even the worst experiences make the funniest stories. No matter what happens, we'll be making memories with Mom."

Cathy Karlin Zahner is a free-lance writer in Prairie Village.

A PLANNING TIMELINE
CHOOSING A TOUR COMPANY
To learn more
WHAT THE TRIP COST

--- Cathy Karlin Zahner---
Special to The Star

We chose Road to Italy for our independent tour of Italy after reading a recommendation in The New York Times and customer testimonials on the company's Web site. From phone calls and e-mails, we immediately liked co-owner Flavia Jaber's thoughtful, non-pushy manner, and sensed her enjoyment in creating a trip of a lifetime for us.

Closer to home, many travel agencies can arrange custom tours, said Frances Gorsuch of Deidre's Travel Service in Kansas City. Customers should expect added costs of at least 20 percent to 30 percent for custom tours, compared to bargain group rates, said Gorsuch, an agent since 1973.

Clients seeking a custom tour should seek agents who have traveled in the desired country, recommends Diane Panegasser, owner of Travel Trends Ltd. in Lenexa.

"Anyone can look on the Internet, but if you're planning the trip of a lifetime, you need someone who knows what they're doing, who can give you excellent value and be an advocate for you while you're traveling," said Panegasser, a Certified Travel Counselor with 25 years' experience

Travelers requesting "a unique, educational experience instead of a cookie-cutter trip" have increased in recent years, she said.

"They might want to spend time in a villa, or do some cooking, or enjoy a special tour of a private estate."

.  Road to Italy/Total Travel Service: www.roadtoitaly.com or (800) 848-8163.

An estimate of costs, per person, for the Karlin family's 10-day trip to Italy.

.  Airfare: $981

.  Hotels, all transportation in Italy, guides, tours and admission to some sights: $1,500

.  Food: $167, including two meals and one gelato per day. (Breakfasts were included with hotels).

.  Tipping for drivers and guides: $27.

.  Souvenirs and gifts: $400.